Ways I Lecture My Dog

4 01 2012


“You’re just a dog. I’m a person. Don’t ever forget the discrepancy in our capacity for autonomous decision making.”


“All you care about is dog things. The world is a very wide place. Broaden your horizons.”


“For example, look at how preoccupied you are with that piece of rope. Consider how much work has gone into producing the vast catalog of human literature.”


“By chewing the fastenings on this papasan, you’re just compromising the structural integrity of your own favorite place to sleep. You must begin to contemplate the self-defeating character of this activity and desist.”


“Decide, once and for all, whether you are a dog, or a baby, or a dog-baby or a baby-dog. Your waffling on this matter will only cause you consternation.”


“Possessions are fleeting.”



One response

23 02 2012
Leeta See

oh by god i luff her so much.

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