Ways I Lecture My Dog

4 01 2012

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“You’re just a dog. I’m a person. Don’t ever forget the discrepancy in our capacity for autonomous decision making.”

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“All you care about is dog things. The world is a very wide place. Broaden your horizons.”

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“For example, look at how preoccupied you are with that piece of rope. Consider how much work has gone into producing the vast catalog of human literature.”

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“By chewing the fastenings on this papasan, you’re just compromising the structural integrity of your own favorite place to sleep. You must begin to contemplate the self-defeating character of this activity and desist.”

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“Decide, once and for all, whether you are a dog, or a baby, or a dog-baby or a baby-dog. Your waffling on this matter will only cause you consternation.”

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“Possessions are fleeting.”


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One response

23 02 2012
Leeta See

oh by god i luff her so much.

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